I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize