she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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