Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize