she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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