So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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