so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
