this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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