You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
