Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
