I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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