I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Is it because I queefed?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
