dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
