u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
