You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
