Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize