you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
