her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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