His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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