i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
