I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
