his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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