I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
