i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
