dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
