She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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