It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
This show inspires me to have sex in space
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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