I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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