Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
