i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
