seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
