I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
