I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
