i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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