Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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