I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have feelings that need drinking.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
