I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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