just come out here and I will go home with you...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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