And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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