Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize