thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
