I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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