Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
