It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
