we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
