Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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