my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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