I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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