6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
