I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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