Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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