Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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