I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
