Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
