i think i recognize dicks better than faces
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
