A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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