Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
