Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
