Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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