I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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