we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
