It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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