a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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