making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
