I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
