So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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