i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
