Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
