your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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