btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She bit a glass in half.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My bed smells like the plague
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
