You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You've changed since you got that strap on
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
