the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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