Will you blow on my dice?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
