my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
