I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
