Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
