I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
