You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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