All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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