if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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