also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
