He uses pillows to masturbate.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
