'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
