shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
