I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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