your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
