his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
