I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
