either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
