Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize