i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
