I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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