I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
