I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
