you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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