btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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