I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize