dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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