worst night to have a conscience
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
