he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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