I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
