i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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