So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
