Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize