I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
