uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
