It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
