Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize