It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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