dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
